Divorce Recovery Rx

Bad Mom – II

2011-03-06T14:30:00.000-08:00

The residential parent usually gets the worst from the child and may be unappreciated. Sometimes a parent may become so involved (wrapped-up) in their own issues they are less affective as a parent.

You usually think Mom’s have your best interest in their heart. But there are some moms, who are bad, “Bad Moms”. They are selfish and don’t really care about you. It makes you wonder if they are like this all the time, or just with you.

When other people are around its like every thing is OK but when the other people leave its like everything is wrong. When you think about it you wish you had a mom that wasn’t so bad – that you had a mom that didn’t make you sad. Moms are supposed to help you reach for your goals and dreams. Bad moms don’t help unless they can get something out of it for themselves. They are selfish.

When you have a bad mom you feel she is out to get you. You feel uncomfortable about her as if she’s out to get you. With a bad mom you feel like there’s nowhere to go.

Bad Mommy – Good Daddy

2011-03-02T05:58:00.000-08:00

This child likes his mother and is being playful in calling her “Bad Mommy”. Like many other children of divorce, this child is caught in a mixture of feelings that tug at one’s heart strings. We also can get a glimpse of what the child sees the father going through.

Bad Mommy

Most mommies are nice but my mommy is bad - just bad. I don’t know why my mommy is bad. I think she was born that way.

My mommy hits me and yells at me and even spanks my butt. I think she likes being mean. Once I had to go in my room all day – can you believe that – making me go in my room all day. My mommy only lets me sleep with my brother on the weekends. Daddy lets me and my brother sleep together in Daddy’s bed.

Mommy is mean to daddy also. She calls him names and made him leave the house. Now I am going to have a divorce – and she caused it. My daddy is so sad, cause he can’t see us most of the time.

Nice daddy

Daddy is nice. He lets me and brother stay up late. He takes me to work. He tells me I’m special. He got me an I-pod and he said he would give me a cell phone for my birthday.

Sometimes he gets mad at me about the divorce. He’s afraid he won’t see us anymore. Daddy gets sad a lot and this makes me sad. He cries and doesn’t answer me. Daddy gets his tears on me when he cries. I feel mad when he doesn’t answer me.

I think daddy is jealous of mommy because we live with her. He’s mad that he can’t go in his own house cause mommy won’t let him. He’s mad because he thinks mommy is trying to take us away from him.

I Wish Mom & Dad Would Remarry

2011-01-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

Children whose parents are divorced frequently have the fantasy that they will remarry. This child is upset and needs to be comforted.

My mom and dad are divorced. The best thing would be if they remarried. Some days I don’t know if I am suppose to be with mom or dad. If they remarried I could be with both of them and I wouldn’t have to remember who I am supposed to be with.

When dad and mom were married and I was a baby and had bad dreams, they wouldn’t let me in there bed. I kicked on my bed.

I had a “stuffy” when I was born and I still have it. Dad says throw it away because I am getting old. I don’t want to throw it away because I always sleep with it. The “stuffy” is getting ripped on his arm and most of his head. Mom says I should put it in a box with a ribbon on it and save it. I want to keep it in my bed forever.

I Have Two Houses

2011-01-12T06:28:00.000-08:00

Divorce is hard on children. They may wish their parents would remarry, even years later. Most children want to keep their connection to both parents but this can be difficult because they can only be with one at a time. The parenting time schedule can be hard on them and when they are with one parent they may miss and worry about the other parent.

I have two houses. Sometimes I live with mom and sometimes I live with dad. I didn’t like having two houses because I like being at my mom’s house more than my dads. I don’t really like living at dad’s house because he makes me eat vegetables and I don’t like his new wife. What I wish more than anything is that my mom and dad would love each other again and be married again. That would make me happier.

It’s confusing and hard to live at two houses because it is hard to know what is going on and when I’m going to be with which parent.

I told my father that living at two houses was hard for me. My parents decided that I could live at my mom’s house and spend time with my dad every other weekend instead. This is great. Now I have one house and know what’s going on.

There is another problem though. When I am with mom the time goes too fast and I worry that I won’t see her on the weekends that I am with dad. Mom says that I get anxious but I don’t know what that word means. I think it means something like worried. I worry about going to my dad’s house, and I am sad the day before I go to his house. When I get to dad’s house I feel sad but I try to hide this because I don’t want him to be upset. I am afraid he will change the schedule back to when I had two houses.

I love mom and dad very much and I don’t want either of them to get upset. It is hard for kids to have divorced parents because at first before we changed the schedule, I only saw mom two days of the week. That was only a little bit of time. I missed her. This was when mom and I lived with mom’s parents. We couldn’t find another house to stay at. Later mom got her house back when dad moved out of it.

It Wasn't About the Pencils

2010-12-28T08:09:00.000-08:00

Anger and hurt in children can come out in many different ways. Sometimes it doesn’t appear to be connected to the original source. These emotions may be displaced onto other situations and other people. Usually there is a thread of connection but we may not be able to see it.

I was so upset. I was yelling and screaming and I didn’t care. Jamie was teasing me by copying everything I did and everything I said. I was so mad. I told Jamie to stop it. And when I told him to stop it, he said, “Stop it.” That made me madder.
Mommy bought six pencils at the school store. Jamie told her he only wanted the rainbow colored pencil and didn’t want the others. When I told mommy I would take the other pencils, Jamie said he wanted them. We couldn’t agree on which color pencils each of us would get. I wanted the pencils he wanted just so he couldn’t have them. And he wanted the pencils I wanted so I couldn’t have them. We were being mean to each other. Mommy tried to work it out, but we wouldn’t let anything work. She made a lot of suggestions. Me and Jamie said, “No” to everything mommy suggested.
Later, mommy and I were talking. I told her I was upset because daddy was only going to take me for one sleep over this week and not two, like he usually does. I love seeing daddy and wish he still lived with us. When I can’t see him I get so upset, sad and angry. Before when I was screaming and yelling, maybe it wasn’t because I wanted the pencils. Maybe, it was because I couldn’t see daddy for two nights this week.

Introduction to Children's Stories about Divorce

2010-12-28T08:06:00.000-08:00

What do children say when their parents are divorcing? How do they deal with the divorce of their parents? Within this blog are stories that children have told me about divorce. These stories illustrate what happens to children when there is a divorce in their family. They can also help us understand about the psyche of children and different ways that they deal with stressful events in their lives.